a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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