I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
