i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Randomize
