Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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