i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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