he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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