My brain says no but my pants say off.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
