How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
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I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
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After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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