Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
