quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
