after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
