It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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