am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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