I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize