Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
