Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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