he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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