Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
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I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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