Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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