Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
