Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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