NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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