Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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