he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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