i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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