I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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