I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
jump out the window naked night went bad
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
