Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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