My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
