Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
