They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dear god my vagina.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
