Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
