It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
