I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
