You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
