she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
