But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
