Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
