Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
