whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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