well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
