i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
