she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
