Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
