I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
