My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
