yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
