I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
