Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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