i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
