There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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