I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
