Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
