the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We need to rekindle our bromance
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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