those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
