she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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