Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
