Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
