I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
