she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize