My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
