im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
