i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
