Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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