my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
