If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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