What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
