I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
