Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
