I hate your face
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
