He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
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I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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