Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
