I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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