I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
