i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
