If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
