thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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