i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
