I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
