I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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