so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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