Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
