Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I could fuck to npr.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
