He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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