Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
