just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
