i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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