Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
