I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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