he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
