I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
