I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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