He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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